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Showing posts from 2015

Rites of Stillborn Romance

“Sure, we can shake uglies against the stall wall, but only if you take me home for a shower afterward,” she’ll say, and drag you inside the fourth floor library restroom for twenty minutes, then she’ll follow your car to your apartment. Three days will be spent mostly naked, snugged in bed or in the kitchen cooking. She’ll tell you, “You can’t cut cheese with a bread knife.” You’ll slide a bread knife from the wooden block, search the fridge for sharp cheddar. Three nights of dishes overflowing your shallow sink. Thursday’s pasta pot, lid closed to “soak,” will film over and belch fetid tomato breath if you jar the lid while probing for a cleanish utensil. Hardened beef fat will rim the cast iron skillet, remnants of late night burgers (your idea). Slimy yogurt spoons, serrated knife edges, all sizes of plates, a dingy baking pan for frozen pizzas—nearly every dish you own will jut in jagged juxtapositions, terrain fit to frighten even the most adventurous night vermin. Your scr

Killer Openers: A Recommended Reading List

Perversion Magazine is run by some of my favorite people in Jacksonville. They asked me to write a recommended reading list. I loved doing it. You will love reading it. Here it is: Calling All Fans of Killer Openers

On Your Mark, Get Set or One, Two, Three

It's midnight on July fourth. The only reason I'm parking my car at the all-night CVS across town is because my girlfriend keeps complaining about her back, a bruise and scrape caused by a drunken slip on the pool deck at a party earlier. She laughed it off then. She cursed me out when I left our apartment. She wants Advil. Name brand. Not generic. I am buying the generic. She will not bitch. I won't let her see the bottle. I'll cup two pills in one hand, glass of water in the other, give her both, she'll slurp 'em down, go to sleep none the wiser, and that'll be that. Unless she looks close at the pills. Then I'm fucked. * There's a lumpy white woman talking into her flip phone, face worn as a crusty towel. “Where are you?... Me? The same place I was fifteen minutes ago. Standing out front of CVS... Come on, I got cold food... Because you said you'd be right back when you dropped me off. You're the one that asked for the damn R